Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
