I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
