We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
