I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
