Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
