I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
