God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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