It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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