1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
