I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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