i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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