please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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