Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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