o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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