If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
