what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
