the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
