Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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