If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
i need some magic done to my vagina
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
