he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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