hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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