But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
