Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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