dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
