i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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