You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
