there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
