I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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