I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
