seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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