I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
