There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize