Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Im part way to drunk.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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