Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
