the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
