i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize