Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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