dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
