I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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