I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
