fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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