its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize