worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
