I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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