remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
