i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
