Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
