I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
