ya dads aren't the best wingmen
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
