i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
