i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I deserve this hangover.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
