Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
