Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize