I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
