did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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