Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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