It's Friday. Sex?
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
