Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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