yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Alive.
So much puke
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
