Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
