Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Michael Bay diarrhea
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize