I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
