We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
